The Cost of Being Good at Everything

You are so used to introducing yourself with a list that you can feel people brace for impact.

Writer, strategist, designer, marketer.
Creative, founder, mother, friend.

I used to say mine quickly. Like if I listed them confidently enough, no one would question whether I had earned all of them.

You have collected hyphens the way other people collect hobbies. Except you are not casual about any of it. You do not know how to be “fine” at something you care about. If it has your name on it, you want it to be good. Not passable. Good.

That part has always been true about me. I do not attach my name to mediocre. If I am in it, I am in it fully.

The problem was never that I had multiple lanes. The problem was that I expected A level performance from myself in every single one of them at the same time.

So I kept stacking roles and expectations, then quietly raising the bar on each one. I wanted a body of work that felt deep. Clients who felt cared for. A home that felt tended to. Relationships that got my full presence. A bank account that reflected someone who was “doing well” in all these lanes.

From the outside, it looked impressive. Inside, it felt like I was constantly behind. If I am honest, it stopped being fun a while ago.

The pursuit of being good at all things sounds noble. Inside it feels like a low hum of failure. Because even on your best days, something is slipping. Something is late. Something is not getting the attention it deserves. For a long time, I thought the fix was better systems. Better time blocking. Better discipline.

But the deeper issue was not organization.

It was identity.

I had attached my worth to being exceptional in every room I walked into. And if I was not excelling everywhere, I felt exposed.

Being multi-hyphenate is not the issue. Your range is not the problem. Your curiosity, your ability to hold more than one identity, your desire to build a layered life, that is part of who you are.

The tension shows up when every identity carries the same demand. Be exceptional. Be available. Be impressive. Be the one people can count on.

So you say yes to leading the project. Yes to the extra opportunity. Yes to being the steady friend. Yes to the family role. Yes to the personal goals that require time you do not actually have.

On paper you are doing it all. In your body you are bracing all the time. And for me, I had to confront something uncomfortable.

I was not just ambitious. I was afraid.

Afraid that if I relaxed my standard in even one lane, someone would realize I was not as capable as they thought. Afraid that if I chose one focus, I would lose the others. Afraid that if I was not exceptional everywhere, I would become ordinary somewhere.

So I lived in a permanent audition. I constantly found myself showing people what I could do, what I could learn. It was a never ending hamster wheel.

And today, I’m here to help you get off that wheel if you’ve found yourself on it too.

Being good at everything is rarely about skill. It is about safety, control, identity, and visibility.

But here is what I had to learn: You cannot build depth in five lanes at once.

You can maintain five. You can nurture five. But you cannot expand five without fragmenting yourself. The breakthrough for me was simple and humbling.

I stopped asking, “How can I be excellent everywhere?”

I started asking, “Where does my excellence actually matter most in this season?” That question changed everything. Instead of spreading my highest effort across every role, I chose one primary lane for intentional excellence each quarter.

One.

The others did not disappear. They moved to maintenance. Maintenance does not mean neglect. It means sustain without scale. Show up without performing. Deliver without overextending. For example, there have been seasons where my creative work got my sharpest energy, and my social presence was simply consistent.

There have been seasons where stabilizing my health mattered more than launching anything new. There have been seasons where my 9 to 5 demanded my full excellence, and my personal projects had to breathe.

Nothing collapsed.

What changed was my nervous system. When you stop trying to win in every room at once, you stop living like you are behind in all of them.

So here is how you navigate this differently.

• First, list every role you are actively holding right now. Not aspirational roles. Real ones.

• Second, circle the one that, if strengthened over the next three months, would create the most stability or growth in your life. That is your excellence lane.

• Third, consciously downgrade two or three others to good enough. Define what good enough means in writing. Be specific. That is how you prevent your ego from creeping back in.

• Finally, release the story that you are only valuable when you are exceptional everywhere.

You are multi faceted. That is real. But you are also one person with one nervous system.

You do not need to shrink your interests. You need to stagger your intensity.

Being  multi-hyphenate is not your burden. Being uncompromising about your standard in every lane at the same time is.

You are allowed to choose where you will be excellent on purpose. And you are allowed to let that be enough.